BOOK: Letters to Sam by Dr Daniel Gottlieb

A Grandfather's Lessons on Love, Loss, and the Gifts of Life

Read his letter below

When his grandson was born, Daniel Gottlieb began to write a series of heartfelt letters that he hoped Sam would read later in life. He planned to cover all the important topics -- dealing with your parents, handling bullies, falling in love, coping with death -- and what motivated him was the fear that he might not live long enough to see Sam reach adulthood. You see, Daniel Gottlieb is a quadriplegic -- the result of a near-fatal automobile accident that occurred two decades ago -- and he knows enough not to take anything for granted.

Then, when Sam was only fourteen months old, he was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disability, a form of autism, and suddenly everything changed. Now the grandfather and grandson were bound by something more: a disability -- and Daniel Gottlieb's special understanding of what that means became invaluable.

A lovingly written, emotionally gripping book that offers unique -- and universal -- insights into what it means to be human.

In addition to his thriving psychotherapy practice, Daniel Gottlieb serves as the host of Voices in the Family, an award-winning mental health call-in show on Philadelphia's much-respected public radio station, WHYY. He also writes a bimonthly column for the Philadelphia Inquirer entitled "On Healing," and is the author of two books. He lectures locally and nationally on a variety of topics affecting the well-being of people, families, and the larger community.

http://www.drdangottlieb.com/


"A collection of heart-felt letters that touches the heart in the softest way. Perfectly expressive love letters from a grand father to his grand son. Highly recommended" - A2G
 

POP DAN & LITTLE SAM

Sex, Lies, and What It Means To Be A Man

Dear Sam,

My early experiences with girls took place when I was in my teens. And, like most boys of that age, I pretended to know more than I really did, to be more competent and experienced than I was. I couldn't turn to anyone for guidance. Not only that, but I didn't feel I had the option to stop and think about whether I was ready for this activity because there was so much pressure to "be a man". And I lied. I lied to the girls I was with about my experience, I lied to my male friends about the same thing, and I lied to myself about whether I was ready. 

I'm not sure why, but I think it's in the nature of men that we have to pretend  we know things. If there's something we don't know, we try to fake it. But that doesn't work well at all, especially when you find someone you love. When you want to find out what feels good and what pleases your partner, it's a lot more helpful to admit ignorance than to pretend to know. 

When I was learning about family therapy, I had a great teacher, Carl Whitaker, who felt strongly about the inportance of confusion. To him, knowing was a lot less important than searching. "Confusion is like fertilizer," he said. "It feels like crap when it happens, but nothing grows without it."

Some years later, this advice came back to me when I was a guest expert on a show concerning substance abuse. On the show I was being interviewed by three kids who all asked good, probing questions. One of the questions stumped me, and I said so.

"I don't know," I told the young man. "I'll look it up. Give me a call on Monday." 

Afterward, one of the program engineers approached me to say he'd been blown away by the response. "I've never-ever-heard someone say 'I don't know' on this show," he told me. 

It was the first time in my life I'd been praised for saying those three words. And it changed something in me. Ever since, I have not hesitated to use them. 

Sam, be ignorant. It can be the beginning of something wonderful. When you say to your partner, "I don't know" - or your partner says those words to you - then you can begin to learn about what feels good physically and emotionally. You can learn about sex, love, life and fear. You can learn about yourself. 

When you are with someone for whom you have great affection and respect, ask how you can give and receive the greatest enjoyment. What you discover together is far more than you can learn by yourself. As you learn, you will find yourself attending your partner rather than pretending with her. And when you address her needs with care, love, and patience, you will find your feelings of devotion enhanced multifold. You will know the great happiness of altruistic love.

This kind of love is so pure that you can take great pleasure in your partner's joy and feel great sadness in her suffering. Your most fervent wish is for her happiness. When you love your partner in this boundless way, you can make love when you look into hear eyes, share a meal together, or ask her about her day. You can experience this adoration when you aren't together. You can carry it with you always.

Love,

Pop

BOOK: Half The Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn

From two of our most fiercely moral voices, a passionate call to arms against our era's most pervasive human rights violation: the oppression of women and girls in the developing world. 

With Pulitzer Prize winners Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn as our guides, we undertake an odyssey through Africa and Asia to meet the extraordinary women struggling there, among them a Cambodian teenager sold into sex slavery and an Ethiopian woman who suffered devastating injuries in childbirth. Drawing on the breadth of their combined reporting experience, Kristof and WuDunn depict our world with anger, sadness, clarity, and, ultimately, hope. 

They show how a little help can transform the lives of women and girls abroad. That Cambodian girl eventually escaped from her brothel and, with assistance from an aid group, built a thriving retail business that supports her family. The Ethiopian woman had her injuries repaired and in time became a surgeon. A Zimbabwean mother of five, counseled to return to school, earned her doctorate and became an expert on AIDS. 

Through these stories, Kristof and WuDunn help us see that the key to economic progress lies in unleashing women's potential. They make clear how so many people have helped to do just that, and how we can each do our part. Throughout much of the world, the greatest unexploited economic resource is the female half of the population. Countries such as China have prospered precisely because they emancipated women and brought them into the formal economy. Unleashing that process globally is not only the right thing to do; it's also the best strategy for fighting poverty. 

Deeply felt, pragmatic, and inspirational, Half the Sky is essential reading for every global citizen.

THE BOOK

A series of essays and anecdotes that work together—forms an argument in two parts. The first part argues that the oppression of women in (mostly) developing countries is a devastating and under-recognized injustice that’s the equivalent of slavery, and that demands a moral and political movement as focused and principled as the campaign against slavery to bring it to an end. The second discusses practical ways to create this movement and effect the change that’s needed. 

Kristof, a New York Times columnist, and WuDunn, a former Times foreign correspondent who now works independently on multimedia projects involving women’s issues, make their first case effectively, drawing on their years of research (and it’s clear they know the subject and its complexities very well). They tell how women are promised work, then sold into sexual slavery and imprisonment, while authorities turn a blind eye. They tell how these women are beaten, and raped, and drugged if they try to resist the men who have bought them; how many contract AIDS from forced sex work without protection, and die in their twenties; and how returning them to families and normal life is complicated by shame and addiction. 

They tell how in some cultures it’s accepted practice for a man to rape the woman he wants to marry to force her to submit to him, and how in others it’s common for rape to be used as a weapon by criminals, or in family feuds—the perpetrators secure in the knowledge that shame will prevent the victim from reporting the attack to the authorities (and will often result in the victim’s suicide). 

They describe how families and states fail to invest in education and healthcare for women, so that girls who could be an economic asset to their families and country instead end up controlled by and dependent on male relatives, undernourished and often dead at a young age from preventable diseases, or African women who suffer fistulas in childbirth (a painful, embarrassing condition, but curable by a simple operation) are abandoned to die on the edges of villages. They describe how some traditions that may be seen as oppressive, and are at least very dangerous to women’s health, like genital cutting, can become so ingrained in a culture that women themselves support them.

Source: www.harvardmagazine.com

Reviews:

"New York Times columnist Kristof and his wife, WuDunn, a former Times reporter, make a brilliantly argued case for investing in the health and autonomy of women worldwide. 'More girls have been killed in the last fifty years, precisely because they were girls, than men were killed in all the wars of the twentieth century,' they write, detailing the rampant 'gendercide' in the developing world, particularly in India and Pakistan. Far from merely making moral appeals, the authors posit that it is impossible for countries to climb out of poverty if only a fraction of women (9% in Pakistan, for example) participate in the labor force. China's meteoric rise was due to women's economic empowerment: 80% of the factory workers in the Guangdong province are female; six of the 10 richest self-made women in the world are Chinese. The authors reveal local women to be the most effective change agents: 'The best role for Americans... isn't holding the microphone at the front of the rally but writing the checks,' an assertion they contradict in their unnecessary profiles of American volunteers finding 'compensations for the lack of shopping malls and Netflix movies' in making a difference abroad. (Sept.)" Publishers Weekly (Starred Review) (Copyright Reed Business Information, Inc.)

"This gripping call to conscience...tackles atrocities and indignities.... But the poignant portraits of survivors humanize the issues, divulging facts that moral outrage might otherwise eclipse." New York Times

"Kristof and WuDunn forcefully contend that improving the lot of girls and women benefits everyone.... Intelligent, revealing and important." Kirkus Reviews

"Kristof and WuDunn reinforce the truth behind the terrible statistics with passionately reported personal stories...including a final chapter suggesting how readers can help." Booklist

Source: http://www.powells.com/

About Women For Women Organization

  

Women 4 Women

Our Theory of Change: Women for Women International believes that when women are well, sustain an income, are decision-makers, and have strong social networks and safety-nets, they are in a much stronger position to advocate for their rights. This philosophy and our commitment to local leadership builds change and capacity at the grassroots level.

Why Women?

Around the world, women face some of the greatest obstacles yet also represent tremendous opportunity for lasting social and economic development. Globally, women face the following challenges:

• They bear a disproportionate burden of the world’s poverty (They represent 70 percent of the world’s poor)
• Their ability to have a decent life is limited (they perform 66 percent of the world’s work and produce 50 percent of the food but they only earn 10 percent of the income and own 1 percent of the property)
• Investment in women is inadequate (recent data shows that only 3.6% of overseas development assistance was earmarked for gender equality (UNIFEM). And for every dollar of development assistance, two cents goes to girls (Girl Effect).
• During and after conflict, women are particularly vulnerable to violence and exploitation (About 70% of casualties in recent conflicts are women and children (UNIFEM) and the forms of violence they experience include torture, rape, sexual slavery, enforced prostitution and mutilation (UN)

An average Women for Women International participant faces the following challenges:

• She has limited access to electricity and water (99% of participants in Sudan)
• She is not educated (96% of participants in Afghanistan)
• She is not engaged in productive work (90% of participants in Iraq)
• She is not able to pay for medical care (66% of participants in Afghanistan)
• She is not able to change customs and traditions that are not fair to her
• (94% of participants in the DRC)

 

 

Why Women for Women International?

As a result of war and conflict, women and girls often lose everything that ever mattered to them, including their sense of self. Their voices are silenced. And even if they were to speak, there is no safe place where they can voice their pain.

Participation in our one-year program launches women on a journey from victim to survivor to active citizen. 

We identify services to support graduates of the program as they continue to strive for greater social, economic and political participation in their communities.

As each woman engages in a multi-phase process of recovery and rehabilitation, she opens a window of opportunity presented by the end of conflict to help improve the rights, freedoms and status of women in her country. As women who go through our program assume leadership positions in their villages, actively participate in the reconstruction of their communities, build civil society, start businesses, train other women and serve as role models, they become active citizens who can help to establish lasting peace and stability.

While continuing to receive sponsorship support, women embark on the next leg of the journey and participate in the Renewing Women’s Life Skills (ReneWLS) Program that provides them with rights awareness, leadership education and vocational and technical skills training. Women build upon existing skills and learn new ones in order to regain their strength, stability and stature on the path to becoming active citizens.

 

Key Outcomes for Our Programs:

Women are well: physical and mental health

• Women’s access to quality, affordable and accessible healthcare reduces preventable deaths (in Afghanistan, 2,690 women have been trained as health and birth attendants to help combat high maternal mortality)
• When Women are informed and trained in disease prevention (they gain the knowledge and confidence to reject harmful cultural practices, negotiate safer sex and combat water-born illnesses).

Women contribute to family and community decisions:

• For sustainable peace to take hold, women must take an equal role in shaping it (In Rwanda, 15% of WfWI-graduates were elected leaders at the village level. WfWI-Afghanistan registered 2,000 women to vote in the 2004 presidential elections and 1,800 in the parliamentary elections).
• Studies show that women exercise greater decision-making power within their families when they are educated, earn a stable income and have access to resources such a land and credit (94% of WfWI-Afghanistan graduates report contributing to family decision-making).

Women sustain an income: women access their economic rights

• Greater economic and educational opportunity for a woman means her daughters are more likely to go to school, her babies are more likely to survive infancy, and her family is more likely to eat nutritious meals (The children of educated mothers are 40% more likely to live beyond the age of five, and 50% more likely to be immunized (World Bank)
• Women reinvest a much higher portion in their families and communities (Women reinvest 90% of their income in their families and communities, compared with men who reinvest only 30% to 40%)

Women have networks and safety nets: participatory support model

• Women who participate in our program learn the importance of working together (Our microcredit lending programs encourage women to work in groups since loans are distributed to women via their groups).
• By working in groups, women benefit from the social support system and the creation of social networks. (They also gain from the solidarity, support and cooperation within the groups).
• Exchanging letters with sponsors provides women with an extended social network of women to share their stories with.

 

Program Overarching Goal:

Women-led community change leading to peaceful and stable communities

• Empowered women understand their value to society and are able to demand their right to own property, access quality healthcare, live in a violence free environment and contribute their perspectives to the peace table.
• Providing economic resources to women increases the likelihood of the next generation being healthy and educated (Programs like the innovative Hand in Hand partnership with Kate Spade and the Community Integrated Farming Initiatives (CIFI) provide the resources women need to access formal markets and thrive in the process).
• By providing resources to women, we are helping women transition into a macroeconomic level and achieve ownership of their own labor, inputs and profits.

"War is not a computer-generated missile striking a digital map. War is the color of earth as it explodes in our faces, the sound of child pleading, the smell of smoke and fear. Women survivors of war are not the single image portrayed on the television screen, but the glue that holds families and countries together. Perhaps by understanding women, and the other side of war...we will have more humility in our discussions of wars...perhaps it is time to listen to women's side of history."

– Zainab Salbi, Founder and CEO of Women for Women International

Marie Gorette Mukandutiye, Rwanda

Second Sponsored Sister through WOMEN FOR WOMEN INTERNATIONAL :

MARIE GORETTE MUKANDUTIYE

26 YEARS OLD, SINGLE

SISTER SINCE JULY 2010

WILL GRADUATE IN JUNE 2011

LETTER FROM MARIE, DECEMBER 2010

MARIE'S FIRST LETTER TO ME

Dear Sponsor,

How are you doing and how is your life over there? I am so glad to have this chance and write to you, so that I can send my greetings and sincere thanks for your support. 

Thanks for helping a person you don't know. God bless you, my heart is full of joy and happiness due to your monthly support. 

I used to be very poor, due to your monthly I got an income generating activity which helps in my day to day life. 

I get problems, I gave birth to a baby under operation and died, this was my first born. Let me stop, but please reply as soon as possible, I also would like to know your news.

God bless you, till next time.

IN RWANDA

Imagine you lost everyone you loved in a senseless and terrifying month of violence. 

During the massacre, you had a choice: kill or be killed. 

You saw your friends and neighbors turned into murderers, rapists, looters or torturers.

You cannot forget. 

But you must continue to live—with yourself and with the people around you. 

Years later, you still have bad dreams. 

And your country is still struggling to recover.

You live in poverty, raising a family on your own. 

You adopted children who were orphaned by genocide and AIDS and raised them as yours, sharing what little you have.

This is today's Rwanda.

During the 1994 genocide, more than 800,000 Rwandans were murdered, and 200,000 more displaced.

During the 1994 genocide, up to 500,000 women and girls were raped and tortured.

Today, more than 1/3 of households are run by women; 80% of those are run by impoverished widows.

Today, Rwanda is more than 70% female.

Ni Nengah Sari, Songan, Bali

Sponsored for Education through INTERNATIONAL HUMANITY FOUNDATION (BALI CENTER)

Ni Nengah Sari 

Birth date: February 17th, 2000

She is a shy girl. She follows his big brother to go to school every day. She has to walk around 4 kilometres everyday from his home to the school. She likes school. His father is an uneducated farmer who has not land. He has to go outside from the village if it's dry season to get every penny, so he can feed his family. The mother is a house mother. Sometime she helps her husband to work in the farm.

Sari's Letter, June 2011

On the visit last May 2011, I asked Sari "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Being the shy girl that she is, she went quiet and did not answer my question. On this letter, she answered my question.

Sari's Last Letter to me, July 2011

Following this letter from IHF: 

"Dear Dina,

Following your visit to Songan personally - the following e-mail will be particularly important to you. We have reached a conclusion with Songan which took a lot of deliberation, including lengthy discussions with IHF's CEO, Carol. We took all of the fantastic feedback that you provided to us and began to apply it to our operation but then, after evaluating everything, we concluded that IHF's operation in Songan is no longer as essential as when we first began there."

 I knew that I will not see Sari anymore as my sponsorship will be transferred to another girl. It's always sad to say goodbye. It was always my desire to see Sari grow up, to know that my sponsor has changed one child's life into betterment. I am sure that IHF has its own considerations and I'm sure that it is for the best. My only wish for Sari is that, I hope, she will make it as a doctor or whoever she wishes to be when she grow up. 

I was told that in french language, you hardly say 'adieu' even to a stranger you merely encounter on the street. Instead, you say 'au revoir', see you again - because we never know. 

In this departure from Songan Village, it is an 'au revoir' to Songan Village for me because we never know.  Maybe one day, I will visit the village again just to look around. 

Ketut Wati, Songan, Bali

Sponsored for Education through INTERNATIONAL HUMANITY FOUNDATION (BALI CENTER)

Ketut Wati lives with her father and 3 sisters in Songan - Bangli, Bali. Her mother is deceased. Her father is a farmer and works hard to feed his daughters. Ketut Wati attends Primary School. She walks 2 km to and from school each day. She attends our English Class held each Sunday. She enjoys playing and studying.

FIRST LETTER, APRIL 2011

 KETUT WATI HOLDING HER LETTER, APRIL 2011

KETUT WATI HOLDING HER LETTER, JUNE 2011

KETUT WATI HOLDING HER LAST LETTER TO ME, JULY 2011

 

Post the visit in May 2011, IHF Indonesia has decided to close its operation in Songan. It was sad to say goodbye to Ketut Wati, as it means that I will no longer be her sponsor and that I will no longer be able to get in touch with her. 

Many times since then, I have her face flashing in my mind wondering how she is, wondering how her village is now. I do hope that they will be alright. I do hope that the last few months of IHF's work in Songan Village has made a bit of difference for all their lives.

Rabie Selmani, Kosovo

The first sponsored sister through WOMEN FOR WOMEN ORGANIZATION

 Rabie Selmani

43 years old

Mother of 4

From Kosovo

Sister since July 2009

Graduated June 2010

RABIE'S LETTER TO ME

8 March 2010

I hope that my letter finds you and your family well and in good spirit. I am writing this brief letter to you because I want to wish you a happy 8th of March.

The 8th of March in Kosovo is considered to be the Mother's Day, so we celebrate this day in order to honor the mothers and all that they do for us.

I sincerely wish you a long, healthy and happy life together with your most loved ones.

IN KOSOVO

Kosovo was the site of ethnic cleansing, mass rapes and looting during the Balkan Wars in the 1990s.In 2008, the disputed area of Kosovo split from Serbia to become its own country. Although most of the country savors its hard-won independence, tensions between ethnic groups still run high, and the country is struggling to find its way as a new nation.Bearing the heaviest burdens of post-war reconstruction are Kosovo's women. Many are widows, who must provide for their families alone. Persistent gender inequality coupled with a 44.2 percent unemployment rate makes this nearly impossible. 

Unemployment disproportionately affects young women and those with a limited education. The per capita income in Kosovo is just $2,500 a year–among the very lowest in Europe.Kosovo has beautiful, fertile land that goes unused. It has rich natural resources that remain untapped. And its women are desperate to prove that they can contribute to their fledgling nation.Women for Women International is working with women in Kosovo to help them rebuild their lives.

Emanuel Paskalis Gezbe, Papua

 EMANUEL PASKALIS GEZBE

Second sponsored child from Irian through WAHANA VISI INDONESIA

Rosio Yesica, Bolivia

First Sponsored Child through WORLD VISION INTERNATIONAL

Rosio Yesica Paca Quispe was born on 15th September 1997. She is Bolivian. Her favorite subjects are language, math, art and religion (quite a few for favorites) and she loves writing and I'm proud to know she's so into soccer. She is now a 14 year old teenage girl who will grow up as a fine young woman, and I knew her since she was a small 11 year old girl.

Rosio Yesica lives with her parents, 1 brother, and 2 sisters. Her parents struggle to provide for the family. Her father is a hairdresser. Despite their efforts, it is difficult to meet the family's needs. 


Rosio Yesica is growing up in a poor community in Bolivia. Family homes are made of mud and brick with a thatch roof and a dirt floor. A typical diet is corn flour and cassava made into a thick porridge and eaten with beans and vegetables. Temperatures are in the high 80s in October and in the low 30s in June. The terrain is flat with lush vegetation. She helps at home by running errands. She is in satisfactory health. 

 Rosio's first posted picture 2008

ROSIO 2009

Christmas Card from Rosio, 2009

 ROSIO 2010

ROSIO 2011

Another Letter from Rosio April, 2011